Mantras

  • Freedom is what you do with what's been done to you.
    -- Jean-Paul Sartre
  • I'm Nobody! Who are you?
    Are you—Nobody—Too?
    Then there's a pair of us!
    Don't tell! they'd advertise—you know!

    How dreary—to be—Somebody!
    How public—like a Frog—
    To tell one's name—the livelong June—
    To an admiring Bog!
    --Emily Dickinson

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    So it appears I think sometimes

    Saturday, August 23, 2008

    Do-re-meme

    1. My uncle once told me that I should be an English major because it would be great preparation for getting a job as a secretary.

    2. Never in my life have I wanted to run for political office.

    3. When I was five my teacher sent me off to read a story to the first-graders. Come on, who thought THAT was going to be good for my social life?

    4. High school was a time full of good times, but which I'm really really REALLY glad is in the past.

    5. I will never forget sitting in the shadow of a chateau, eating pizza with NLLDH and trying to convince a snooty little French dog to come over and say hello.

    6. Once I met someone who didn't like chocolate. I know, I was horrified, too.

    7. There’s this boy I know who's way cooler than he thinks he is.

    8. Once, at a bar, I saw a classmate break the bartender's nose.

    9. By noon, I’m usually lucky to be showered and dressed. Well, if I don't have to be somewhere.

    10. Last night Eldest Cat woke me up AGAIN whining for food.

    11. If only I had more willpower.

    12. Next time I go to church is not likely to be for a long time.

    13. What worries me most is whether or not I'll get a job I like once I finish law school. (Maybe I should begin by worrying about doing well IN law school.)

    14. When I turn my head left I see a black wire shelving unit crammed full of stuff I have to organize.

    15. When I turn my head right I see NLLDH.

    16. You know I’m lying when I say I'd love the middle seat on the plane.

    17. What I miss most about the Eighties is big hair.

    18. If I were a character in Shakespeare I’d be Polonius, I fear.

    19. By this time next year I will ideally have a summer's worth of work in a legal field under my belt.

    20. A better name for me would be "OCD about everything but dirt."

    21. I have a hard time understanding why people use Windows.

    22. If I ever go back to school, I’ll have class at 9 am this Monday.

    23. You know I like you if I look you in the eye right away.

    24. If I ever won an award, the first person I would thank would be whoever first taught me whatever it was the award was for.

    25. Take my advice, never complain about the way people do things in other countries and why can't they do it just like the U.S. does??

    26. My ideal breakfast is very ordinary: fresh-squeezed orange juice, scrambled eggs, toast, bacon, and a cinnamon roll.

    27. A song I love but do not have is Rick Springfield, Jessie's Girl. What? I love that song!

    28. If you visit my hometown, I suggest you go in the fall, and have a high tolerance for WASPs and U.S. colonial history.

    29. Why won’t people pay attention to where they're standing in the grocery-store aisle?

    30. If you spend a night at my house you will have to sleep on the loveseat and you will be visited by two curious cats during the night (the third will hide from you).

    31. I’d stop my wedding for a lot of things (I got married in a judge's office and it took three minutes, so it's not like a delay would screw things up much).

    32. The world could do without entitlement.

    33. I’d rather lick the belly of a cockroach than listen to Rush Limbaugh.

    34. My favorite blondie is my sister.

    35. Paper clips are more useful than my students' attempts to hold their papers together by folding/twisting/ripping the corners of the pages.

    36. If I do anything well it’s procrastinating.

    37. I can’t help but eat the last cookie in the box.

    38. I usually cry at "heart-warming" commercials. I'm so easily manipulated.

    39. My advice to my nephew/niece is to take grandma with a grain of salt.

    40. And by the way, congratulations to NLLDH, who celebrates seven years of sobriety today!

    Thursday, August 21, 2008

    Cognitive dissonance

    You get: An e-mail with the subject line, "Last minute course materials for fall."

    You think: Crap, something more I have to get/read for class.

    You read it and find: A message from a book company rep, addressed to you as "Professor."

    Also, it's weird how reluctant you can be to open your mouth in class when you're used to being the one who evaluates what people say, not being (explicitly) evaluated yourself. Okay, we've only had three classes - I'll get used to it. But right now it's weird.

    Tuesday, August 19, 2008

    First day down

    And I survived! But am brain-dead, so we're going to go with random bullets:

    • I am one of four Ph.D.s in my class.
    • I am not the oldest person in my class. (Though as an aside: I totally can't tell people's ages. Everyone either looks way younger than me/straight out of undergrad, or way older than me - and the oldest person in the class is not THAT much older than me. I totally read jeans as younger than me and suits as older than me. Yeah, that's effective.) (And I should add that the people who look way older than me probably only look that way to me, because I have no idea how old I actually look - to everyone else we probably all look pretty much the same.)
    • Yes, it was really weird to sit in a classroom as the professor went through all the first day kinds of things that I used to go through on my first day of class - often the exact same first-day things. (This was Legal Writing, which is structured differently from the other first-year courses, I think in a way closer to the traditional humanities class.) It kinda makes me want to apologize to my past students, actually. (Not because it was terrible - the prof seems good, the first day stuff was effective as first day stuff. It just reminded me how much I hate first day stuff!)
    • It was funny how NOT weird it was to be on a campus again - because I've never actually LEFT campus. And no matter how different each looks, to some extent a campus is a campus is a campus. Yes, my role is really different this time round, but the surrounding culture is still pretty familiar.
    • The Legal Writing prof warned us that the (usually humanities) people who come in thinking they have this writing thing down cold frequently have to relearn how to write specifically for law. Great.
    • I knew that laptops in the classroom is a contentious issue. I've seen people talk about the pros/cons in the context of undergrad education, I've seen lots of legal folk complain about the ubiquity of surfing/e-mailing/IMing etc. in law classes, I know U of Chicago Law School cut wireless access in its classrooms, and I myself banned laptops in my class last spring. That said, I did not quite realize that meant it would be a big issue at my law school, too. It is. Wow.
    • I met lots of cool people and enjoyed speaking to (almost) all of them. And no matter how much the place looked like it was populated with my students from last year, I know I'm not the only older student. I also realized that I have to broaden my definition of non-trad student somewhat, since I'm tending to think, "my age and older," when honestly, people who are ten years younger than I am are still pretty non-traditional. Someone who's 29 probably wouldn't appreciate it if I treated them as if they're no different from someone who just graduated at age 22. (Which is not a knock at people who've just graduated - I don't mean that I plan to treat anyone a particular way based on their age. I just need to recognize that "younger than me" encompasses a pretty wide range of people at this point, and I shouldn't lump them all together!)
    • That said, two of the people that I most wanted to hang out with, that I most identified with, were profs on one of the panels. Sigh. Gotta work on that student identity thing.

    And saving the best for last:

    • A former student of mine is a fellow 1L at my school. In fact, ze's in my Legal Writing class. (Thankfully, ze was a very cool student, so it was a pleasant surprise, but yeah, kind of weird.)

    Monday, August 18, 2008

    The introvert's lament

    So, this is really dumb, but the first day of orientation is tomorrow, and I'm already nervous. I think orientation actually stresses me out more than classes starting, because so much of orientation is social - tomorrow we have a two-hour lunch in which to get to know each other, a bunch of other socializing-type breaks, and I signed up to go to a Fun Social Event in the evening (though I am allowing myself to consider ditching it if by that time I'm feeling completely wiped from being around strangers all day). And then there are two more full days of it!

    Dr. Crazy posted today about how  she finds the first few weeks of school intense and draining, because after the relative isolation of the summer you're suddenly dropped in the midst of students! and colleagues! people! people! people! again, and I am SO with her on this one. The only people I've spoken with face to face this summer, besides NLLDH, my mom, and my sister, have been various medical professionals, and one charming blogger who came through town with whom I met up recently. And while I enjoyed the meetup immensely, after two hours of lovely conversation I was both wired and drained (I went home and babbled nonstop at NLLDH). I also came home completely convinced that I have the social skills of a baboon and that I had droned on about myself WAY too much (not that the other blogger made me feel this way, this is just my usual reaction after being around unfamiliar people for the first time in a while).

    I mean, I feel relatively confident about my ability to handle classes at this point - I know law school classes will be very different from what I've previously encountered, I don't mean that I'm going to coast through with a 4.0, but the academic arena? Not that intimidating to me by now. The social arena? Please. It still baffles me. (I'm not sure how being an academic has affected this. On the one hand, the common refrain is that academics are people who didn't get asked to dance in high school, and some people seem to wonder if academics have any social skills at all. On the other hand, we have to handle meeting and getting along with classes full of complete strangers at least twice a year, which has to count for something.) I guess it's not surprising that when it comes to Myers-Briggs, I score about as Introverted as you can get.*

    Anyway. This whole nervousness thing wouldn't be such a big deal, except I feel like I have a zillion things to do today, but I just can't quite concentrate on any of them because I'm fluttering around like a ditz!

    *ISTJ, in case you were curious, which is apparently one of the most common personality types among lawyers.

    Sunday, August 17, 2008

    Blog statistics are weird

    Which would doubtless be of greater concern to me if this were a commercial blog and I were trying to make money from blogging - which I'm not. This isn't at all a "Oh noes! how can I get my blog traffic up???" post - my blog is what it is, it has the readers it has, and that's cool.

    But I do occasionally look at Statcounter to get a sense of how many people are coming over here and when (I look at Technorati, to find out who's linking to my posts, much more often, which is just how my vanity goes - numbers are vaguely interesting, but if someone's talking specifically about me, I WANT TO KNOW - what I said in my last-post-but-one notwithstanding). According to Statcounter, for instance, my numbers have declined steadily though not greatly since 2006 (of course, 2008 isn't over with yet, so it may change that trend). I suspect what this really shows is how many more people read blogs through a reader like Google Reader or Bloglines. I use Google Reader myself, and I don't comment as much as I used to - moreover, there are a ton of blogs I skim but on which I never comment - so I know that something like Statcounter isn't going to record my blogging footprint accurately. Still, the numbers are good for a little mental fodder.

    I was amused to check Statcounter today for the first time in yonks and to find a significant spike in my readers on Friday. Usually, such a spike means I've been linked to by someone with a big readership - usually Inside Higher Ed, but maybe Cliopatria or the like. But I checked my "where people are coming from" info and found no such link, nor did Technorati reveal one. (Admittedly, I'm too cheap to pay money for the expanded version of Statcounter, so by now the info about where people came from on Friday is mostly gone.)

    So I took a look at my Friday post, and realized that in it I talked about weighing the two outlining programs Notebook and OmniOutliner Pro. And I also remembered that in the past when I've talked about Mac applications or other computing issues, I've tended to attract commenters out of the ether, people I don't know and haven't heard from before. Not vast numbers of such commenters, but they've been there.

    Conclusion: there are a lot of people out there searching for info about Mac computers and software, such that they'll even swing by here to see what I have to say! This shouldn't be as surprising to me as it is. But it just made me kind of laugh. Apparently the key to upping my visitor numbers is to throw in lots of Mac computer and software terms. If I ever put ads on this blog, I will have to keep that in mind!

    What about you, those of you who track numbers on your blogs? What kinds of posts drive your visitor counts up?

    Friday, August 15, 2008

    Law school syllabi, and a bleg

    I have syllabi for my fall classes! Well, all but one; that prof hasn't posted it yet. (They're posted on the law school equivalent of Blackboard; Westlaw does its own course-management thing. So I don't have to wrestle with Blackboard. Given that back when I took grad school classes, professors didn't all use e-mail yet, some profs still typed syllabi, I don't think I'd yet seen course materials distributed as PDFs, and online course management systems didn't exist, it's a little weird negotiating one as the student rather than the prof. It's not any prettier than Blackboard, I can say that much.)

    This also means I have the reading assignments for my first day of class. Ack!

    Two of my profs have an interesting (to me) policy called "present and prepared": when you get to class, they circulate a seating chart and if you're present and prepared, you circle your name and they know they can call on you. One prof docks you if you're not present and prepared for x number of classes, the other rewards you if you're present and prepared for more than x number of classes. If you say you're prepared and the professor figures out you're not, you get docked; and if you get someone to sign you in as prepared and present and you're not there at all, you're in BIG trouble. (Though I suppose some days the luck of the draw would let you get away with these bluffs, if the professor didn't get around to calling on you.)

    I thought this was fairly cool because it means that if you're not prepared, the prof knows not to call on you and waste everyone's time (and embarrass you in front of everyone).

    It also seems to encourage you to come to class even when you're not prepared so you can learn something - because you don't have that fear of being called on when unprepared to keep you away. This was something I struggled with when teaching - students who thought, "well, I didn't do the reading so I won't go to class." Yes, I much prefer students to DO the reading, but even if they haven't, I still want them to show up! Not because I want to call on them and make them look stupid, but because they might learn something regardless.

    I wonder how well such a policy would transfer to a different academic setting? It seems better suited to larger courses than wee tiny ones (my law school classes run from 35-40 to 80-90, I think). It also seems more designed for a course in which the professor is running the discussion/interactions, rather than students generating them (it's about answering the professor's questions, not so much about other participation). Anyway, I thought it was interesting.

    It was also heartening to think that class participation counts for something. It's a teeny-tiny something, but it can add or subtract a couple of points from your final grade (and I'll take all the points I can get). I mean, I know the crucial thing remains the exam - that's what determines your grade, really - but since I know that I learn better if I go to class and talk about the subject, it's nice that these profs seem to consider that a valuable activity as well.

    It has also dawned on me that this means very soon, I'll be sitting in class taking notes. I plan to use my laptop for note-taking (I always liked writing my notes by hand in the past, but I also want to be able to cut/paste/reorganize/revise/otherwise manipulate my notes when studying for exams, which is much easier to do with computer files than handwritten sheets, and if I take them on the computer to start with, I don't have to waste time entering them into the computer later), and this leads me to my bleg:

    I've been looking at two programs that are basically note-takers/outliners (outlining is very big in law school): Circus Ponies' Notebook, and the Omni Group's OmniOutliner Pro. Both are effective, easy outliners. Both cost about the same (I'd be upgrading to OOP, not buying the full version). Both have things going for them: OmniOutliner Pro feels more "professional", more like a multi-functional power-app. Its interface is extremely clean - almost to a fault; it's a little spartan for me, who likes her Mac because it's pretty. OOP feels a bit more flexible than Notebook, but conversely the learning curve for using that flexibility seems a little steep. Notebook flirts with cutesiness - you take notes on "notebook pages" of ruled yellow or white paper, or you can use graph paper - but I actually quite like the notebook metaphor. I like that Notebook allows you to keep "writing pages" (plain text) as well as outline pages in the same document. And Notebook seems maybe a bit more limited in what it allows you to do, but it's easier to learn what it does allow. Notebook indexes your notes for you, which is a feature that appeals to me; I'm not sure if OmniOutliner Pro does that or not. (I'm sure you can search OOP for keywords, but what I like about the index feature is that you don't have to know already what term you used in a given context - you can just skim the list to see what they are.)

    So the bleg part: anyone out there have an opinion on why one of these applications is better than the other? (FWIW, I've played around with MS Word's outlining feature, and first, it's really ugly, and second, it doesn't have the features that I like about Notebook/OOP, so I know I'm not going to use that.) Thanks so much!

    Thursday, August 14, 2008

    Just when I think I have a handle on the whole "blogging" thing, I run across completely different blog cultures

    I knew, consciously, that I tend to hang out in a relatively homogenous corner of the blogosphere, in which many of us share similar expectations about the norms of blogging. But subconsciously, I think I still assumed that "my" blogosphere is "the" blogosphere - that the culture of blogging I've come to understand is pretty typical. Oh, sure, it's probably not typical of some of the really big shot, sort of "universal" blogs - how can it be when you're attracting thousands of comments? - but at individual faculty/student blogs? Sure.

    So it's been interesting, reading law blogs (often dubbed "blawgs"), and discovering small but significant differences in that culture.

    First (and I realize that MA/doctoral students may well disagree with my take on this one), I've seen a much bigger gulf between law student blogs and law professor blogs than between MA/PhD student blogs and faculty blogs. That's not because there's no status/social/power differential between MA/PhD students and professors (I still think blogging helps to break down those barriers, but I know not everyone has experienced that, and my attitude may also arise from having mostly senior, fairly hierarchical professors in grad school, so what seems to me like the egalitarianism of the blogosphere may simply be a more egalitarian atmosphere than my own grad experience, not true egalitarianism) (could that sentence be longer?). It's because MA/PhD students are usually studying to do pretty much what their faculty do, so unsurprisingly the two groups share a lot of interests. Law students, in contrast, are usually studying to do something many of their professors have either never done, done only briefly, or are no longer doing - that is, practice law. Law schools (unless you're at Yale, maybe) are not designed to turn out law profs. So there seems a much bigger gulf in outlook between law student bloggers and law prof bloggers than in the MA/PhD world (the exceptions I've seen, unsurprisingly, are SJD students - people with JDs who are doing the equivalent of a PhD in law and, presumably, going to become law profs themselves). In fact, some law student bloggers seem to regard law profs in the same light that undergrads regard their profs - a real "us" and "them" attitude. (I'm not saying that us-and-them-ism doesn't apply to MA/PhD students as well as to law students, but it seems fundamentally different.) (And this is not at ALL a criticism of JD students! It's not good or bad - it's just different from how things work in the corner of the blogosphere I know best.)

    Another thing that's struck me is that in law profs' blawgging, there's less tolerance of anonymity than in my own academic blogosphere. I know there are plenty of individual non-law academics who disapprove of anonymity. But most of the "big" academic blogs I can think of (e.g. Crooked Timber) allow pseudonymous (or anonymous) comments as long as they're appropriate (i.e., on-topic, thoughtful, not gratuitously insulting/racist/otherwise bigoted - you get the idea) and not used for sockpuppetry. They all reserve the right to determine what's appropriate and to delete anything they deem falls outside those parameters, but pseudonymous/nymous isn't a big deal. HNN's Cliopatria originally banned anonymous comments, but revised their policy to allow people to comment under consistent pseudonyms as long as they registered and didn't comment under both the pseudonym and their real name.

    More law prof blawgs, however, seem to discourage anonymous comments - though this may just reflect an unrepresentative skew in my sample. On his Legal Philosophy Blog, Brian Leiter frequently disallows comments, and when he opens them, he states, "Non-anonymous comments strongly preferred; post only once; comments are reviewed for relevance." (Emphasis in the original.) The policy at Prawfs Blawg is that "In general, if we can't determine who you are, there is a strong risk that your comment will be deleted. If comments are civil and substantive, we may overlook the anonymity of the rebellious commenter. We own our words. You should too." Perhaps because of this policy, I've seen quite a few snarky responses from nymous commenters dismissing anonymous commenter's comments at least in part because they are anonymous - along the lines of, "I post under my own name and I'm not going to answer someone who doesn't." (Now, some of those anonymous comments aren't remotely helpful, but in that case it seems easy enough to dismiss the comment because it's unproductive, or rude, or stupid, or whatever, without saying it's unproductive/rude/stupid/whatever because it's anonymous.) Many blawgs by law profs have no problem with anonymous comments, of course, but I seem to have come across more that do, than I have among non-law profs.

    (Conversely, almost all the law student blawgs I read are pseudonymous, even if some of those pseudonyms are very thin. Almost all the law student blawgs I read are written by women. Anyway, we don't need to get into that debate again - it's just interesting.)

    What prompted these observations was reading something by Belle Lettre (posted at Scatterplot rather than her own blog). In brief, Ann Bartow of Feminist Law Profs made a comment at PrawfsBlawg stating that, "Posting somebody's personally identifiable comment from another blog without giving them notice and opportunity to respond is viewed by me and many acquaintances as a form of bullying." 

    Now, responses to Belle's post and at PrawfsBlawg itself suggest this may not be a norm accepted throughout the blawgosphere. But reading this was another moment of thinking, "Wow, the blawgosphere has some different norms than what I'm used to." And Belle's post at Scatterplot asked for comments about norms in the blogosphere. The following thoughts began as a comment at Scatterplot, but I've never posted there before and decided if was going to drone on about my own thoughts, this was the place to do it.

    First, I disagree that quoting someone's comment without giving them notice that you're doing so is "bullying." I see publishing in the blogosphere as analogous to publishing in print in this respect - if, in their own writing, someone quotes something that I've published elsewhere, are they obligated to tell me about it, whether they agree or disagree with me? Of course not. So why should they be obligated to do so in the blogosphere? (Belle points this out in her post.)

    Second, Bartow implies that discussing someone's comment is basically talking "behind their back," because she seems to believe that if the person posting about the comment doesn't tell the author of the comment, that author will never know they're being talked about. Belle also points out my own objection to this, which is that Google alerts allow bloggers to know when/where their comments (if linked to their names) are being referenced in the same way that Technorati and the like allow them to know when/where their posts are being referenced. (Somewhere I picked up the idea that if you refer to a blogger it's polite to link to their blog, even if you're not referring to a specific post - which allows the blogger to see who's talking about them. Hence my link to Feminist Law Profs above, even though I can't link to Bartow's comment directly - although at many blogs you can.)

    I understand that it can be distressing to stumble across conversations in which you feel like your comments are being mischaracterized/abused (and this probably happens to Ann Bartow more than it does to me, due to the difference in our blogs!), which is what Bartow's stance seems to be addressing. But I think in the blogosphere, as in print literature, once your words are out there, you have to - in most circumstances - let them go.

    This is for two reasons. First, you just can't control how people respond to what you write. Say I wrote a book, and it was widely read - a blockbuster best-seller (I should be so lucky!). People are going to talk amongst themselves about it, and some of them are going to get it "wrong," which in some cases means they will fundamentally misread it, and in other cases just means that they will take from it what's relevant to them, and in so doing skew what I consider to be the central message (because that message isn't as relevant to them as to me). I can't be present at all those conversations to say, "No, that's not what I meant at all!!" And I have to live with that. Even published, official critical reactions - if it's a really widely read book, how will I have time to respond to what everyone thinks? I have to get over it. (I guess I am not one of those people who, upon seeing a negative review of my book in a journal, would write one of those furious "reviewer X has COMPLETELY mischaracterized my book!!" letters to the editor. Life's too short! Do you think J.K. Rowling wastes her time writing letters to the editors of publications that publish negative reviews of her works??)

    The second reason why I don't agree with the "must tell someone before you talk about what they've written" is I think that unduly restricts what people can talk about. Nor do I think it's my responsibility to inform someone I'm talking about their work; rather, it's their responsibility to track down what people say, if it's important to them.

    I'm having a hard time connecting these points logically, so bear with me, but: relevant to this is the way that I view the blogosphere as made up of a whole slew of different communities. Just because you can contribute to all of them, doesn't necessarily mean that you should, even if they're talking about you (or a comment you made). Rather, people should understand the norms that govern a particular community - or its culture - before they participate in that community. If I write a comment somewhere, and one of my regular readers/readees picks up on it and comments on it, I feel comfortable responding, because I regularly participate in conversations with that person and I have a relationship with them (however slight). But occasionally something I've written has been picked up by Inside Higher Ed (for example), and gets read and possibly commented on by a lot of people outside my usual blog community, people I've never read and who've otherwise never read me. While my kneejerk reaction is to leap into those bloggers' comments and dispute what they're saying (and I have done so), I feel like the further away from my usual community a blogger is, the ruder it is to jump into their comments complaining about what they're saying about me. (I realize this is referencing posts rather than comments, but I don't see a real distinction between the two.) That is, if I haven't been part of the conversation in that blog community prior to a discussion of my comments, it's a little rude to blunder into the conversation just because I'm annoyed with what they say about me. I have the right to do so; I just think it's a little awkward. 

    It's like there's a group of strangers are next to me in a coffeeshop talking about something I completely oppose, and I decide I'm going to tell them how much I disagree with them, even though I've never met any of them and they're not really talking to me. They're talking around me, in public where I can hear them, and in that sense their speech is public; therefore I have the right to respond, but social norms suggest it's a little weird to butt in and bust on them. Conversely, if I go to that coffeeshop regularly, and I always see the same group there discussing stuff I have strong opinions about, there are polite ways in which I can join the conversation. I could approach one of the group on hir own, say "I couldn't help but overheard you talking about subject X - did you see the NYT article about X last Thursday?", ease my way in, that kind of thing. Then, when I've become part of the conversation, I'm in a position appropriately to denounce things I disagree with. If nothing else, if I don't know how that group's conversations work, I might completely misunderstand what I hear, and my indignation might be inappropriate and wasted.

    The idea that blogging about someone else's comment without telling them directly is "bullying" seems to me analogous to saying that not inviting that stranger sitting near your group in the coffeeshop to participate in your group conversation is bullying. Why is it that community's obligation to make their conversation even broader than it already is? Why do you have to tell a scholar if you're responding to some kind of idea they've expressed? We're not talking about personal attacks (at least, not necessarily - in some specific instances, that might be the case, which could well merit a different response) - we're talking about a response to someone's ideas. Moreover, what about a positive response to someone's comment? How is that bullying? Finally, there's an implication also that if someone pulls out a comment to disagree with it, that's inherently oppressive, which I find disconcerting. Disagreement with someone's stated ideas is not an attack on their intelligence, legitimacy, or a criticism of their very status as a scholar (well, not necessarily - it can be, of course, if done badly!). 

    None of these are absolutes - I can easily envision situations in which yes, it is worth busting in on that group in the coffeeshop, even if it's socially awkward and maybe even rude. Some things are important enough to override those niceties. But I also think there are some conversations in which it's just not worth participating.

    But what we might have here is simply different norms for blogging. I see the blogosphere more as salons made accessible than an extension of print journalism/scholarship - and this may be less the case in other corners of the interwebs. And, I'm sure, some people would argue that my attitude is different because I'm not writing under my real name.

    So, yeah. Lots of different blogging cultures. I can't assume I have it all figured out.

    Wednesday, August 13, 2008

    I am FINALLY home

    And I am kind of bemused that the Olympic commentators keep calling the French swimmer Alain Bernard "a-laine." Um, people, that's NOT how it's pronounced.

    Okay, that has nothing to do with anything, but I felt the need to share.

    This was one of the most annoying journeys I've ever taken, travel-wise. Thankfully my schedule was flexible - there wasn't anywhere I had to be at any given time. But delays still suck. On my way out to the east coast on Thursday, NYC was apparently hammered with thunderstorms, and since I was flying through NYC (JFK, specifically - wow, is that airport in need of an upgrade), I hit delays, and ended up reaching my mom's place at 2 in the morning. Okay, that's only about 3 hours late, but I think once you hit midnight, every hour feels more like two or three, yes? (I felt worst for the car service people she had picking me up, since she lives 2 hours from Boston and she does not drive into Boston anymore. Actually, she pretty much never did. The guy was nice about it, though). And then of course thunderstorms descended again on Monday, when I was supposed to return, to such grand effect that my flights were canceled. So I took a 2-hour bus ride to Logan, found out that my flights had ceased to be, and couldn't find a single alternative that didn't cost $1100 or have me arriving in, say, Cleveland at 9 pm and departing Cleveland for Current City at 6 am, or both. So I turned around and took the bus back again. And then did it again the next day (yesterday) - and then THAT flight was delayed ~2 hours, and I made it home between 2:30 and 3:00 am.

    But I'm here now. Phew!

    It was a very mellow weekend. I watched a lot of Olympics and started knitting a very pretty scarf. I've had to rip back a section of the lace like three times, and I seem to have lost two stitches along the way (but I cast on two extra by mistake, so I guess that's okay), but it's starting actually to look like lace. Unfortunately, I picked a pretty multi-colored yarn (this, in Sinbad the Sailor) - I bought the yarn before I'd decided what to make, so thought I might just make a plain scarf - and the colors of the yarn kind of hide the lacy pattern of the knitting. (I like the way solid-colored things look once they're done, but when I'm in the yarn store, I get completely sucked in by pretty, shiny multi-colored stuff.) Oh, well, if I like it when it's done, maybe I'll make a second one in a solid color - there's a lovely little yarn store mere blocks from me that I haven't dared explore yet....

    The weather was fairly gray and dreary most of the weekend - the kind of New England summer weather I actually sort of miss, sometimes - and there were a few moments when it felt like fall already. And right before I left Current City, a cool front came through and the temperature dropped about 10-15 degrees, which made it all too clear that fall is right around the corner. And in case that wasn't clear before, it was when I finished buying my school books this morning.

    My most recent fall crisis was yesterday, when I called up my favored hair salon to find out that they're closed this week for remodeling, and while I could get an appointment before classes start, I couldn't get one until after orientation. Can I tell you how distressing this was, the idea of showing up at orientation un-trimmed and then turning around and showing up for the first day of class with new hair?? Actually, it wasn't really THAT distressing; even I had to laugh at my dismay, because it shows you how much power I invest my hairstylists with - at some level I really thought that getting my hair done between orientation and the first day of class would mean that I would look COMPLETELY DIFFERENT when classes started. And how could I make my best impression on everyone at orientation if I couldn't get my hair cut/colored by then?? I would be shunned - SHUNNED - if I had crappy hair, even if I then turned around and had nice hair. And then I got a grip and said, Self, 90% of the people you meet in orientation will NOT notice any changes, short of cutting of six inches or going platinum blonde. And the minor details of haircut/color are NOT going to determine how people respond to you. You are more than your hair.

    But I called and made a pre-orientation appointment at another salon, anyway. Some neuroses aren't worth fighting.

    Thursday, August 07, 2008

    Yet another update/apology

    Blogging may be light in the next few days, because I'm off to visit my mom for a long weekend (not that I've been blogging consistently recently, but I feel compelled to tell you that now there's actually a REASON I may be absent for the next few days). Staying with my mom is very mellow and it's not like I wouldn't have time to blog, but I haven't had as much luck poaching wireless on the Cape (where my mom is in the summer) as in Florida. I sort of figure that if I announce my absence, there's bound to be a strong wi-fi signal out there this time and instead of being absent, I'll pop up annoyingly frequently in the next few days, just because.

    Also: I know I owe many book people estimates for shipping etc! I ran out of boxes and have lacked all initiative to get organized in the last week or so. I will be in touch with those of you I still need to contact by the middle of next week - Tuesday or Wednesday. Thanks for your patience!

    Finally: I am starting to get e-mails about classes/schedules/etc.! And I bought some of my books yesterday (which was painful! I've so forgotten what it's like to buy a semester's worth of books. Of course, the last time I did so was during the first Bush administration, when things were a little cheaper)! I guess I really am going to law school!


    ETA: Well, HOPEFULLY I'm getting to my mom's today - my flight out is delayed because NYC (where my connection is) is busy. (I guess that's not a huge shock.) We're supposed to board imminently; my connection in NYC is a little longer than you usually get, so cross your fingers that I make it!

    Wednesday, August 06, 2008

    Got a problem? Throw money at it

    Okay, I don't really have a problem - but somewhere along the line I picked up the idea that buying things could improve any situation. I know that's not really true, but it's still my knee-jerk reaction. Identity crisis due to changing careers? It could all be solved if only I could buy the right wardrobe!

    Recently, Maggie posted about back-to-school clothes, and the Bittersweet Girl posted about her "bi-annual Personal Appearance Crisis (P.A.C.)," the one that crops up at the beginning of each semester, in which she's "suddenly thrown out of my usual appearance complacence into a desperate desire to be fashionable and look stunning." So wardrobe concerns and crises are certainly timely roundabout now. As I commented on the latter post (and probably the former post), I am so in the midst of my own P.A.C., because I'm going to a NEW SCHOOL where NO ONE KNOWS ME.

    On the one hand, this is liberating: no one knows me! No preconceptions! Reinvention!

    But on the other hand, it's terrifying, because I know that in the past I was better-looking than I am now: I had no gray hair (stupid graying bangs), I had younger skin (though honestly, the academic lifestyle is a boon for preserving the complexion, since spending all my time inside with books tends to minimize wrinkles), and most importantly, I weighed less. My resemblance to a dumpy middle-aged matron was, well, non-existent - whereas now it's rapidly becoming inescapable. And no one at school will have known me any other way. They will have no memories of previous aspirations to hotness to temper my current image! I will always be that Older Woman.

    Which I know is silly. Like success in law school is dependent on how hot you look! But, you know, it's how I think sometimes. So, if I could buy a new wardrobe, I would OF COURSE look stunning and make exactly the right impression in law school. Of course.

    The other thing is that if I thought it was hard to dress myself as a thirty-something academic, it's even more baffling as a nearly-forty-something aspiring lawyer. On the one hand, I'd love to buy some more comfy, campus-friendly clothes (since my wardrobe currently consists mostly of "teaching" clothes and "can't leave the house in" clothes). But on the other hand, soon enough I will be working in legal-type settings in which I'll probably be expected to wear (gasp) suits (I possess none). So buying comfy clothes seems counter-productive in the long run.

    And really, it's not even that I can't put together comfortable-enough outfits from my teaching clothes (though I think I REALLY need a new pair of flat black shoes... really, I do!). It's that buying new clothes would be a great way to help facilitate my shift from one career - and consequent identity - to another. If I look different, I will be different.

    I always feel like if I procure all the right accessories for a new situation, I will succeed. You should see me in the lead-up to a trip to Europe - I search for the PERFECT shoes, the PERFECT bag, the PERFECT clothes, because if I find them, this will mean that during my trip to Europe I will be a) comfortable b) elegant c) not sweaty d) able to maneuver my goods around public transport effortlessly and e) not immediately spottable as an ugly American. If I had the money, I'd probably buy a metric crapload of stuff I don't really need. Since I don't have the money, I spend a lot of time agonizing over what the right accessories actually are. (Parallel anxiety now: what should I use to haul my law school crap around in? I hate backpacks. Should I get a rolling bag? Will I be a complete geek? Will it be unmaneuverable on the bus? etc. etc.)

    If someone handed me the proper accessories, I'm sure that would be good. But there's something about BUYING stuff, about throwing money at the problem, that consoles me even more.

    What's nice about going to law school is that unlike going to Europe, I don't have to prep EVERYTHING before the first day. If my bag turns out not to work well, I can buy one IN THE MIDDLE OF THE SEMESTER if I want. There will always be more clothes and shoes to buy if I find there's something I really need (as opposed to thinking I need before I even start). Telling myself this helps calm the "if you spend money, it will help!" beast inside me.

    But I'd still love to buy a new wardrobe to transform myself into this new person. I won't, but I'd love to.

    (I will, however, get my hair cut and colored before school starts. Some things are non-negotiable.)

    Disclaimer

    • This space represents my personal opinions and does not in any way reflect the opinions or policies of my place of employment. Moreover, I do not blog during work time, or use any of my employer's resources for blogging.

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