Never say never

So, anyone who reads here probably also either knows me on Facebook or follows me on Twitter or both, in which case, you know that earlier this week I got a job. (If this is news: hey, I got a job!) It's a permanent gig for after my current clerkship ends (which means that it starts about 9 months from now. Clearly I cannot avoid the academia-like practice of getting jobs months and months before they start), acquired through an elaborate drawn-out process partly described here. (It's Interview #1 job! the one I really really really wanted!) I'm very excited, LDH is excited, all is good.

But the funny thing is that for a long time, I would have said that I would never have taken this job. Partly that's because it's in a part of the country that gets really, really hot, where I said I'd never live. But partly that's because it involves criminal law, and I thought I didn't want to do criminal law. First, it seems like way too many people go to law school because they watched a lot of Law & Order and expect law to be dramatic moments in a courtroom, solving brutal (and yet entertaining) crimes, and I did not want to be that cliche. Second, the stakes in criminal law are REALLY high. I mean, sure, money (at stake in most civil litigation) is pretty important to most people, but in civil litigation no one goes to jail. Third, in case you hadn't noticed, our criminal justice system has a lot of problems. On the one hand, do I really want to help the government exercise its already considerable power to convict people who frequently have been dealt the crappiest of hands and have few legit life options? (see especially the WAR ON DRUGS!!!!) Shouldn't I be one of the people making sure the government can convict only if it can genuinely prove everything beyond a reasonable doubt, keeping the government honest? On the other hand, do I have the stomach to defend someone I know to be guilty? I saw someone write just recently that what they like about being a criminal defense lawyer is that it's very clear - they're not working to serve justice, they're working to serve their client. Can I do that, if I think those things conflict? Obviously that's not always the case. But what about when it is?

(To be clear: I think both prosecutors and defense attorneys perform incredibly important jobs. Without them the adversary system is impossible, etc. etc. They're just not easy jobs, neither of them.)

But you know, the thing is, since graduating and clerking, I've realizing: I find criminal cases way more interesting than civil cases. I mean, yes, the facts are often more dramatic in criminal cases than in civil (although a lot of times they're not: the fact of drug possession is not generally that exciting. The fact of illegal reentry is not generally that exciting. Violence is not, in and of itself, interesting). But it's more that I find criminal procedure really interesting, and the constitutional issues it implicates really interesting. (And civil procedure...not so much.) 

So, long story short, I'm pretty sure I've said at some point that I would never work in criminal law. And that I would never live in this part of the world. Yet, here I go. And I'm thrilled. (And also a little terrified. But as LDH said, that's all the more reason to take the job.)

* * * * *

I was actually lucky enough to get some interviews for positions in other areas of law that also interest me, but are totally different from the job I've taken. So there's just that little nagging part of me that thinks, What if you'd really prefer doing X instead?? The thing is, it's kind of like wanting to be a historian and being equally interested in colonial Quebec and modern South Africa - you can't really do both; ultimately, you have to pick something. But I didn't have offers anywhere else - at least, not yet; and wasn't going hear back before this job needed an answer (which was pretty much right away); and this isn't really an opportunity you pass up. It's really just as well, because it prevented me from agonizing over what would be the best choice. (Presuming I would have even been lucky enough to have to choose.) But setting out a new path often entails a little regret about all the other paths you can't take at the same time.

Comments

[What Now?]

Totally exciting! I'm really happy for you -- a wonderful outcome for your exit-from-academia story (which I realize is only one way and not the best way to describe your career narrative).

Now, I know that LDH has also been looking for new jobs. Will he look in the area where you're going to be? Are there good possibilities there?

[Belle]

This is the only place I have you, so thanks for the news! That is wonderful! Congratulations, and I do hope that this means you and LDH will be living together yet again. Really, really hot... sounds like where I live. That would be nice, to have you move around here. We could (gasp) meet! But since we're not normally on anybody's radar, and you've not mentioned the civic culture, I am going to assume that you're headed to Palm Springs. And assure you that while cost of living is as high as the summer temps there, it is a lovely place in the winter.

[Dame Eleanor Hull]

Congratulations on getting the job you really, really wanted! That's great. And hooray for new experiences!

[Bardiac]

Yay, this is great news! Congratulations!

[Nik]

Congratulations! I live in the cold part of a really hot state. It would be awesome if you were moving to AZ!

[ChrisinNY]

Hurray- I don't follow on Twitter or FB so this is the only news I have of your job. Congrats.

[itsprobablyphdme]

That's great, New Kid! Sometimes the unexpected choices are the most fun, so lots of good wishes for the new job. And, hey, hot places aren't all bad: practically year-round justification for ice cream and gin and tonics!

[Lauren]

I think that the whole "WHAT IF I REGRET THIS FOREVER" instinct is part of the mindset we have hammered into us in grad school. Like there's only ONE. POSSIBLE. PATH. and if we veer from it ONE TIME we are SCREWED FOR LIFE.

Which is bullshit. CONGRATULATIONS!!

[helenesch]

What wonderful news! Congrats!

[Seeking Solace]

How in the heck did I miss this awesome news??? Cheers to you!!!!

[Janice]

This is SO COOL! I'd missed the news otherwise so thanks for boosting the signal by blogging.

[joy]

I also only know you here, so congratulations! Glad to hear you got a job! If you'll be prosecuting, as it sounds, I'm glad to hear that someone thoughtful and clear-eyed about the flaws of the criminal justice system will be doing it. And if you're defending, more power to you.

[undine]

Congratulations! I only know you from this blog but have followed for a long time.

[Steve Muhlberger]

Congrats! Especially the "I'm thrilled" part!

[Historiann]

I'm really happy to read this (and b/c I avoid the fB and the twitter, it's the first place I saw the news.) So, congratulations!

Something you wrote about defense attorneys gave me pause. Specifically, this: "I saw someone write just recently that what they like about being a criminal defense lawyer is that it's very clear - they're not working to serve justice, they're working to serve their client."

I would never want to hire an attorney who thinks like this, should I ever find myself in need of a criminal defense lawyer. My understanding from the defense lawyers I know is that they're very clear that they are indeed serving the cause of justice by providing a vigorous defense for their clients against the awesome powers of the state (which you note.) Maybe the attorney you quoted is burned out, or needs a vacation or something. I know it's a bummer having to defend people you believe are probably guilty, but the defense attorneys I know who do well are really committed to the idea that everyone needs and deserves the best defense possible, and that regardless of a client's guilt or innocence, their work serves the cause of justice.

(I run with a district court judge here in Weld Co., CO, and believe me: although she sometimes feels like she can help people and families, at least when on the family docket, I don't think she feels like she's serving the cause of justice so much as ensuring that the rules of the system are fairly and reasonably applied. That's really the best you can do, even as a judge.)

[chicago foodie girl]

Woo-hoo & congratulations again! It's always a wonderful feeling when you finally land a dream job. :-)

[New Kid on the Hallway]

Thanks for the congratulations, everyone! :-)

What Now?, yes, LDH is planning to move with me, and is already applying to jobs in the area - cross your fingers he finds something he likes!

Belle - it's not actually Palm Springs, thankfully, because the cost of living is lower. :-) And alas, I don't think I'm moving to where you are, because your house pictures (which are looking lovely!) show more grass and deciduous trees than where I'll be.

Nik - no comment. ;-D

itsprobablyphdme - yes, yes, ice cream and cold drinks!

Lauren - yes, yes, it's totally a grad-school hangover! I hadn't thought of that till now!