Random bullets of July

• So, you know how in my last (long ago) post I mentioned a white cat with tabby patches? Who's blind?

Yeah, we adopted him.

Our big fear had been that Middle Cat would freak. the fuck. out. at the introduction of another cat. Turns out, she could not possibly care less. (Which makes pretty clear that our previous problems had nothing to do with Middle Cat not liking other felines, and everything to do with Youngest Cat [of sainted memory] being a bully.) Of course, a blind cat is particularly non-threatening, which probably helps. But anyway. I'm still not sure now was the best time to adopt another cat, but NLLDH fell in love with the beast before even meeting him, so there you go.

• Apart from introducing Blind Kitty to our home, I have been knitting obsessively. Which, in my case, involves almost as much looking at yarn online, searching patterns on Ravelry, and planning future projects as it does actual knitting (though I do a lot of the latter as well). I did knit half a sweater, and it was truly recognizably a sweater, but it turned out too small for a variety of reasons that mostly boil down to it being my first sweater. I mean, I'm very proud that the proportions were all correct and everything, but they were the proportions of someone a good three inches shorter and less broad than I am. But it was fun to make. And I've started again on a different pattern. Plus maybe two other projects...

• I turned 43. On the one hand, I like knowing more and more and wouldn't go back to my teens or twenties if you paid me. On the other, sometimes it feels like I've lived a really long time. The past can weigh you down quite a lot - not because it was necessarily bad, but because there's just more and more of it. (Or am I nuts?)

• I am in serious denial about moving from this city for my next gig, because I love this city, and because moving away from your spouse to a place where you know no one seems way crazier (and stupider) when you're not in academia any more. How much in denial? I don't have a place to live there yet, and I start work the 3rd week of August. (I know that's still enough time to find something, but given that I got hired a year ago it seems to be cutting things mighty fine.) Packing is right out.

• It doesn't help that NLLDH is job-searching himself, for academic positions, and hence is looking all over the country. Goddamn, a lot of universities are in crap parts of the country. Well, not crap. Just not where I want to live. Because having got used to the idea that I have a choice in the matter makes it REALLY hard to re-adopt the "I can live anywhere" mindset. Also, I am way way way way WAY tired of moving and not knowing people or having a real face-to-face community. Because I could have that, here, except that it's hard to invest the energy when I know I'm moving soon and don't know if I'll ever be back. Despite actually loving it here a lot.

• It is the last 2 bullets that have me up at 2 am (so that I figure I might as well blog about it). And the fact that it is 2 am means I shall stop here, for fear otherwise of filling this post with even more angst than I've spilled so far.

Comments

[AAL]

Still holding out hope you end up in my fair city, even if it's not a first pick. Instant coffee date! :)

[What Now?]

Small wonder that you're feeling angst -- that's a lot of life change on the horizon!

Are you excited about your next gig, moving aside?

[Amanda]

I do not begrudge you the angst at all, that's a lot of impending life change! And I know what you mean about the past kind of piling up. I recently discovered old journals from the beginning of college, and while I know precisely how much time has passed since then, for some reason putting myself back there makes it feel like a million more years have been lived. And yet time keeps flying by faster and faster!

[New Kid on the Hallway]

AAL, I would love to end up in your fair city! Unfortunately the potential job doesn't appear to have worked out... boo. But I will definitely let you know if I ever make it out there!

What Now?, I am excited about the next gig. I realized that if I didn't have to go through the whole hassle of moving - if I could just get up here one morning and go to the new gig rather than my current one - I'd hardly be able to wait. I'm anxious about doing a good job, because it's going to be very different from my current gig (trial v. appellate). But I'm really excited to get that different experience!

(Oh, and I'm a tiny bit apprehensive that the workload will be much worse. But that's because my current gig is very humane.)

Amanda, I have journals back from when I started keeping a journal in 4th grade, and I don't dare read them, because that would really freak me out!

[rented life]

Happy belated bday! Not too encouraging to hear that the past can still weigh you down, as I keep trying to figure out how to cut loose from it. :P Having moved twice in less than a year for job and personal reason, I completely understand your angst.