What I've been doing while not blogging

• I would say, working hard, but it's not like I'm in some kind of BigLaw sweatshop. My job is VERY humane. But I did spend the last three weeks writing a semi-freakishly long opinion that wore me down. And while writing and research for my current gig are different from academic research and writing, spending the entire day dealing with the written word means I have less incentive to blog when I get home.
• Feeling stupid: I don't think I am stupid, and I don't think I'm doing a bad job, but I am continually reminded of how little I know about the law. Just when I get a handle on something, I get a new case on something completely different. And it's not just a question of learning the black letter law; there are so many pieces to put together and chains of logic to follow, I constantly feel like I'm the last in a pack of runners, panting and staggering along with a stitch in my side as everyone else lopes gracefully away into the distance. Just yesterday I proposed a reading of something that turned out to be completely wrong. I kind of figured it had to be, because none of the parties had raised that reading and I thought, if it actually was a plausible argument someone would have made it. But I didn't understand why it was wrong, so I figured I'd better raise it; if it was wrong, at least I'd have learned something. And it was, but I did.
• Working out: this is totally out of character, but I have got into exercise in the last few months. I've been going to spin and yoga classes really regularly, and it's excellent. In fact, I'm getting up at 5:30 tomorrow morning to make a 6:15 am spin class. It's like aliens have taken over my body or something.
• Knitting: I have become re-obsessed with knitting. When I'm not knitting, I'm checking out patterns and projects on Ravelry, or window-shopping yarn stores on the internet. I'm actually trying to knit a sweater for the first time - I'll let you know how it goes (if anyone's on Ravelry and wants to be friends, let me know!).
• Stressing about the future: not that there's really anything I can do about anything yet (since I have work lined up through September 2013), but not knowing where I'm going to live long term and not being able to do anything about deciding that is kind of a constant low-level stressor. 
• Cat-medicating: Middle Cat's kidneys have started to fail, so we're giving her subcutaneous fluids every other day. This involves poking her with a fairly large gauge needle, and when the vet was walking us through this, I suddenly freaked out and couldn't imagine doing such a thing, so NLLDH has become the designated cat-sticker. I actually think she resents me for holding her down much more than she resents him for the needle, but I'm EXTREMELY grateful he's willing to do this. 
• Reading your comments on my last (long ago) post: thank you for all your feedback! You had wonderful ideas about how to make an apartment more home-like. NLLDH and I have also made a pact to clear out the sink and kitchen counter every night, and that's done a LOT to keep clutter and mayhem under control, and make everything feel nicer. I also totally want area rugs, but I don't know if that will happen until a couple of moves from now. We'll see.

So, I'm busy, and generally happy, and things are going well. One of the things I keep saying that I love about having a 9-5 job is that when I'm not working, I'm NOT WORKING. And that means I've had the time and energy and mental space to develop and re-develop some hobbies. But now when I'm not working, I'd mostly rather be hobby-ing than writing here. I keep wanting to get back in the blogging habit, but it's been a bit of a struggle. We'll see. 

Comments

[Seeking Solace]

Don't beat yourself up about being what you perceive to be last in the pack. You are going to learn more now than you ever did in law school. It's the growing pains of starting out as an attorney. You are smart and gifted. You can do this.

Will you make mistakes or not understand an argument? Sure. Will it cost you your job. NO. You are learning... that's what counts.

[Janice]

Sounds like a 'good busy' for the most part. I can sympathize on the wearing writing project - mine is bleeding over into after-hours all this week and making me curse academia every night.

[Juliet]

I had a cat that lived for 10 years with chronic renal failure. We did daily sub-qs, antacids, potassium supplements, phosphorus binders, etc, for that entire time. It was a big commitment, but worth it. I lost her a few years ago while in law school and still miss her everyday. There are lots of excellent Internet sites about caring for a CRF cat, many more than when my girl was diagnosed, and I can't recommend them enough. The best thing you can do is to educate yourself. You will feel less helpless and the listservs will give you all sorts of good advice (and money saving tips). For example, you want to use Terumo needles. They are sharper and have thinner walls, which means an easier stick and faster flow. Good luck!

[Melissa]

i remember being a newer lawyer (I've been in it for 8 years now and am still at my first job -a public defender). The learning curve is nearly vertical for your first couple of years because you're learning not only new black letter law, but how to actually practice - including motions, how to tailor your arguments to other lawyers and judges etc. You are essentially "growing your judgement." It gets much, much easier and you will get much more confident as more time goes by - it happens almost naturally. Keep it up!

[What Now?]

So busy -- but mostly it sounds like good stuff. And good on you for claiming "you time" that isn't work-related -- so healthy!