So, there is a Great Big Huge Important Football Game happening today, in which my city's team is playing. Yesterday was Team Day, and everyone in the city (well, not everyone, but you get the idea) wore the team's colors. (Except me, because I literally own no clothing in their dominant color. Aaaaaaand.... I might secretly be supporting their opponent, my hometown team as a kid. To the extent I care about football, which isn't much. Don't tell anyone!) I have thought about actually watching the game - just to be part of the broader culture around me today - but then, Facebook and Twitter make me feel like I'm watching the game when I'm not, so actually watching may not be necessary.
Instead, I thought, what better time to go to IKEA?
One of my goals for the weekend is to clean the apartment, or at least make a big dent in cleaning it. NLLDH is out of town to run a marathon, then he flies to his home town, and next weekend I'm joining him. We will have someone coming in to take care of the cat, and the place really needs a thorough scouring before someone else sees it. A couple of storage-y things from IKEA would probably help reduce the clutter.
I have to say, one of the best things about being in the working-9-to-5 world is weekends. Not that I don't enjoy my job, because I do; but weekends are amazing. It is so relaxing to leave work at work and have time that is MY time, all MINE. (Note: I realize a lot of law jobs don't allow you to leave work at work or avoid working on the weekends, but right now, mind does.) Initially it was a little disconcerting, because it was like, "What do I do with myself when I'm not just avoiding the work I should do? What do I do when I can genuinely choose what I want to do?" Well, we know cleaning the apartment isn't the answer, but since starting work I have begun to exercise regularly, volunteer at a local humane society, and knit regularly. These things are so much FUN when you don't feel like you're taking time away from what you SHOULD be doing.
I do think about research and publishing, periodically, and ponder whether I still want to write. I mean, I write all the time for work, but I miss writing for myself, something that has my name on it. Part of me still sees publishing as my little version of immortality, a way to have an impact on the world, to create something that will live after me. (Although obviously publishing is no guarantee of immortality or impact; for instance, see this poem.) Right now, though, I miss the idea of writing much more than the act of writing (probably in part because, as I said, I write ALL. THE. TIME). NLLDH is writing an essay for publication right now, though, and I kind of look at him and think, Why do I want to do that again?? So until the desire to have written outweighs the desire not to write, I'll stick with my newly developed hobbies. And my fun weekends.
I'm still having trouble handling my free time without the pressure of filling that time with writing/research. Partly, I'm sure, because my free time isn't nearly as regular as yours seems to be; it's more about free moments from grading, which don't happen on a regular basis. But I have, at long last, finally been settling into a sense of free time unlike anything I've known since I was 25. I haven't yet quite decided that I'm not a writer anymore, but I'm definitely into giving up the guilt and anxiety of being one!
Posted by: What Now? | Saturday, January 14, 2012 at 05:28 PM
i love that you're enjoying your free time (except maybe knitting? i so don't get that, but to each her/his own) and found a job that utilizes law school in a way that allows you free time, but i have to ask - did you have the meatballs at ikea?
Posted by: just jenn | Sunday, January 15, 2012 at 03:33 PM