I'm not all that huge a fan of mother's day (although I am a big fan of my own mother) - I don't hate the holiday, nor is it difficult for me as it can be for people I know (who would like to be mothers but haven't been able to yet; who had crappy crappy mothers). It's just that as a non-mother, I have no connection to the celebration of raising kids on this one day, and yet it also seems a poor substitute for political choices that would actually support mothers throughout the rest of the year.
So when the girl behind the desk at my massage place wished me a happy mother's day today, I just said thanks, but grumbled internally (don't assume I am a mother!).
But I very much liked the message on a church I passed by: Blessings to all who give motherly care.
I thought that was a really nice, inclusive way to celebrate the holiday.
So, blessings to all of you who give motherly care, in whatever form, to whomever.
I have a similar attitude to you about the day. There were two facebook posts that I saw and particularly liked related to mothers day. One acknowledged the difficulty of those who wanted to be mothers but weren't or couldn't (along with wishing well to those who are) and (I think) included a thanks to the birth mother who allowed the FB updater to adopt a child. The second thanked other people's mothers who have cared for and thought of her over the years. Both were nice and inclusive and recognized many ways in which people may provide "motherly care."
Posted by: life_of_a_fool | Sunday, May 08, 2011 at 07:47 PM
That's actually really lovely. I called my mother today and she rushed me off the phone. I said, "Um, but you're my MOTHER! I'm calling you on MOTHER'S DAY. Isn't it, like, your OBLIGATION to talk to me? And she was all, yeah, I'm bored with talking to you. I feel like your present to me can be that we get off the phone :) (We ended the call laughing, and I think that she takes the holiday in exactly the right spirit.)
Posted by: Dr. Crazy | Sunday, May 08, 2011 at 08:10 PM
My old church used to have all the mothers AND all women over 18 stand to be recognized for "being mothers or having motherly spirits." We each got a rose in recognition of our importance to the church community and the service we did working in the music ministry, or with kids, etc. It was nice and didn't make me feel like a 29-year old freak who was single with no kids.
Posted by: The History Enthusiast | Monday, May 09, 2011 at 09:08 AM
Thanks! I'm a "Patty" to a super 9 year old.. I'm not his mom, but I'm his confidant, mentor and friend.
Posted by: Philosophyfactory | Monday, May 09, 2011 at 05:15 PM
Preach on, New Kid! I AM a mother, and thoroughly exploit the mandate to order one Sunday a year to my liking, yet I still find the holiday cringe-making.
There are so many mothering relatonships that DON'T fit neatly into the template, so little real social support for making sure all kids/families get what they need, so much irrelevant consumerist noise. Bah.
Did you see the Balloon Juice mother's day card? Next to your post and comment thread, it was the best take on this holiday I've seen in a while: http://www.balloon-juice.com/2011/05/08/my-mothers-day-card/
Posted by: good enough cook | Tuesday, May 10, 2011 at 08:36 AM
I like that too. It would be nice if we more widely recognized the many contributions people make towards mothering and caring for others, without necessarily being a mother.
You might like Sarah Blaffer Hrdy's book Mothers and Others, on the evolution of alloparenting. She is a really beautiful science writer and anthropologist.
Posted by: KateClancy | Tuesday, May 10, 2011 at 09:40 AM