Observations from the first week of the last semester

(Alternate title for this post: tl; dr.)

* * * * *

So the grind has begun again. It's funny how quickly the new semester feels ....exactly like the last semester. Even though it's full of different classes, they're still classes. It's still the same old thing.

Well, okay, mostly the same old thing - I am NOT, however, taking an 8 am class this semester. Most annoyingly, my school scheduled a bunch of really interesting classes that I WANTED to take for 8 am, but after having an 8 am class 3x a week last semester, I decided I just could. not. do. that. again. (Lest you think I'm completely lazy, it's about an hour commute between here and school, so to have time to get up, shower, dress, eat breakfast, and drive to school, I really need to get up at 5 am. Which is just NOT compatible with my circadian rhythms. Just, NOT. And drinking a smoothie in the car on the way to school three times a week is a sucky way to eat breakfast.)

I am already MUCH happier without an 8 am class. 

* * * * *

The beginning of the week was a little crazy because I had a brief due for a moot court competition. I spent much of the last week of break stressing like mad about not having finished the damn thing; I was giving myself anxiety attacks and spending a whole lot of time worrying about not having written the brief, but not spending any of that time actually WRITING. Which led me to something of an epiphany:

Panicking over not working is not at all productive if it does not lead me actually to DO WORK.

I was panicking and stressing and angsting and all that good stuff, but it wasn't making me any more eager to work (probably less, because I was convincing myself that it would be a miserable, horrible experience to write this thing). And I finally realized: I always stress about getting these things done. So far, I have always managed to get them done. If I'm NOT working on it, there's no point in being miserable. I'm either writing or not; I might as well enjoy the time when I'm not writing. 

I don't know if I've expressed that clearly, but it really was a kind of revelation: because the worrying wasn't getting anything accomplished more quickly, I stopped worrying. Somehow I really gave up on the guilt and fear and decided that if I wasn't actually working on the stupid brief, I would at least relax. And somehow, I managed to do so.

So my resolution for this semester: Don't stress about not working. Either work, or don't work, but don't stress about not doing it.

* * * * *

I had a weird experience this week - I have a professor who really really reminds me of ME, back when I was a professor. Which feels weird to say, because everyone at school thinks this professor is awesome (that is NOT why I've had this reaction; I've had lots of other awesome profs who don't remind me of me at all), but it's true. I think partly I've identified a kind of small-elite-liberal-arts-college-ness to hir style, which I identify as part of my own (this prof and I both went to fancy pants SLACs, although not the same one). This prof is also exactly my age, and grew up roughly in my part of the world, so we probably had similar formative pedagogical experiences. Zie uses the board the way that I used to use the board, gestures the way I used to gesture, looks up at the ceiling while thinking the way that I used to, directs discussion sort of like I used to (I didn't do any Socratic cold-calling, but that's just a disciplinary difference, I think), and talks quickly the way I used to. Zie also uses first names and had us fill out index cards with info about ourselves the way I used to.

(I'm not remotely claiming I was as good at it as this prof, but I still think we have really similar styles.)

Not that there's any consequence to this. It was just really, really odd. It was like a strange kind of déjà vu.

* * * * *

Other weird thing: for the first time in a while I'm taking a class that is neither a core bleeding-heart liberal topic nor a practice class. What I'd forgotten about classes that are neither on bleeding-heart liberal topics nor practice classes: you get the corporate/business law monkeys in them. Once a week this semester I sit in a room with people who keep coming up with these "rational," economic reasons for things. I really DISLIKE most economic explanations for people's behavior. So I'm going to spend a couple of hours each week biting my tongue, I suspect.

* * * * *

I also have my first (and only) law school class in which laptops are banned. It's probably a good thing. It's frustrating, though, because I don't really outline for exams the way that law students traditionally do - I outline the material as I take notes in class, then I print everything out before finals and just study from those notes. I also use mind mapping software to take my class notes, which helps me organize and outline on the fly. I find it much harder to do this kind of thing when taking notes by hand, and I also find reading my own handwritten notes after the fact much more visually difficult. So what I produce in class now seems much less helpful than when I use my computer.

(I mean, if I sat down after each class and reviewed my class notes and typed them up into an outline, that would probably solve all these problems. But that takes up way too much time!)

So far, I've been typing up an outline of the material before class, and bringing it in with me, to be sure I have SOMETHING I can read easily at the end of the semester. I'm curious to see how long I keep this up, though.

I can totally understand my prof's reasons for banning laptops. The ones I most agree with are that the level of engagement in discussion is much higher when no one has the internet to distract them, and that it's much easier for hir to gauge how well a discussion is going - if we look bored/confused/distracted, zie knows it's related to what zie's saying rather than distress at the latest round of sports scores. Plus (though zie didn't say this), it's pretty disheartening to run class when everyone's eyes are glued to the screen and those screens create a barrier between you and the students.

My prof also believes, however, that students learn the material better if they have to think about it and choose what to write down, rather than transcribe every word that's said in class, as laptops let you do. I don't really agree with that. Rather, I don't really agree that laptops significantly affect that process; I've ALWAYS transcribed everything my profs said, even when writing notes by hand. That's just the way my listening process works. In fact, when I use mind mapping software on my computer, I have to make more conscious decisions about how different components of the class discussion/lecture relate to each other; when I write by hand, I'm much more likely not to think about that kind of thing and to produce an undifferentiated mass of text.

Anyway. That was probably way more than you needed to know about my note-taking processes. I will point out, though, that my grades went up after I started working this way. It will be interesting to see how this course compares to all my others, grades-wise. (If it helps me learn better, of course, it will probably do the same for everyone else, so the curve will cancel everything out.)

* * * * *

Speaking of grades, as of yesterday the grades from all my fall classes finally posted. Somehow, I just can't bring myself to look at them - I have no idea how I did, and I don't really WANT to know. (To make matters worse, the school changed our curve as of last semester, so I don't even really know what the grades mean any more.)

Someday I will look, of course - probably once ranks are generated. It just dawned on me that for once, I don't really HAVE to look at them. After first semester of 1L, of course, you're DYING to know how the hell you're doing, since it's the only feedback you get; after second semester of 1L, I had to look to prepare applications for OCI, since they want your GPA/class rank; and after 2L I had to look to prepare clerkship applications. But there's no real reason I have to know my grades again until I'm applying for jobs for after my clerkship. 

So maybe I just won't look till then.

(Okay, I won't hold out that long. But I can definitely hold out a bit longer.)

Comments

[Paige]

Your rule for not stressing is one that I'm trying to adopt myself. We'll see how well I do with it.

Good luck on the grades! (when you finally decide to look at them).

[Mandy]

"Don't stress about not working. Either work, or don't work, but don't stress about not doing it."

Once I developed this perspective, it changed my life!

Have a good Last Semester!

[joy]

I wish that I could not look at my grades, but once I know they're there, I have to log in immediately.

What is this mind mapping software of which you speak? I'd be curious to know about it.

[New Kid on the Hallway]

Paige - I hope the philosophy works for you! It was funny how visceral a change it was for me.

Mandy - glad to hear I'm not the only one who's come up with this! (I don't know why I figured it out at *this* moment, either - you'd think I'd have figured it out a while ago! I think it's because deadlines in the legal world tend to be much tougher than most in the academic world, so I hadn't been in quite the right mindspace yet.)

joy - I use MindManager by MindJet, largely because one of the profs at my school used it in class and also got a deal whereby students at my school can get it for free. I have it set up so that generally, subordinate materials extend to the right rather than descending vertically. (I tried to show this visually here but couldn't reproduce it at all! It looks kind of like this, except I just have the main topic on the left and everything extending to the right, rather than being on both sides of the topic.)

For some reason, I find it much easier to think about the relationships between the different elements of the material when it's not the typical vertical organization of a standard outline - when things extend horizontally instead (at least in part).

Plus, it also helps me keep my notes concise, because writing vast paragraphs (which I'm wont to do otherwise) looks weirder in mind-map bubbles. So it kind of forces me to break all my points down into constituent parts, rather than running everything together which I'd be likely to do otherwise.

Also, it's effortless to rearrange and promote/demote sections, so when I figure out something is really a subset of something else I can change it quickly and easily.

The best part (for me) is that you can export all your mindmaps into outline form, so at the end of the semester it's easy to convert all my notes into standard outline form. This is sort of counter to the mindmapping philosophy, but it works for me; I know people who study from the mind maps, or who study by putting the material into mindmaps, but I find it awkward because it's hard to print them - the program puts each mindmap on its own page, so I end up with lots of teeny tiny balloons per page - and I like using a standard outline for studying and during exams.

I have no idea if that makes any sense!

[What Now?]

Excellent resolution! I know it intellectually, but I have never managed to get it at a gut level and start living by it.

[undine]

Great post, both for the insight into not stressing about the work and for the information about taking notes with MindJet.

I'm also interested in hearing how the no-laptop class works since you're used to using one.

[Janice]

See, I hear about other profs who ban laptops and think that's a stupid policy. It's a kneejerk, simplistic solution to a complex situation.

No matter what you do as an educator, you're not going to get 100% engagement, with or without laptops. Banning laptops is false security. If you want to break away from the screens, you can say "Everyone, close your laptop for a moment to focus on this discussion."

Similarly, telling students the one, true platonic way to take notes for a class isn't helpful, either. While I lean toward the minimal note-taking model (outline, try to include important new details, but otherwise stay on the upper levels of analytic focus), it's not the only way that people work. While I tell people that transcribing everything I say isn't going to be 100% helpful as much of the talk is repetitive (saying the same thing in different ways as I try to help them unpack related sources), but if it helps them to "get" the idea, okies! Otherwise? Pedagogy fail!

I am amused by the parallel prof moment (I don't see many people up hereabouts who come from my neck of the woods; it would be informative if I did!) and I am pleased you're not having to get up for so many early mornings!

[New Kid on the Hallway]

Well, honestly, I do think law classes are a little bit sui generis. I really don't think law profs would be able to get away with saying, "Close your laptops for a moment" - I really think it makes more sense either to allow laptops or not to allow them, rather than try to regulate their use on any given day. (Being told to close my laptop for a given discussion would annoy me MUCH more than not being able to use it at all.) But partly that's because we pretty much come in to class and do the same thing every day - it's not that there are parts of the class where laptops are appropriate/helpful and other parts that aren't.

And I don't think the prof is so much saying there's only one way to take notes as much as zie's trying to help us avoid the one method zie considers unhelpful.

But then, I banned laptops in class in my last year of teaching! Mostly because I don't think they're generally necessary in most undergrad classes that I taught, based on the kinds of materials we used and the ways the students were evaluated. (Obviously this is leaving aside if someone had a mechanical disability or some other similar reason for using a laptop.) So I actually have quite a bit of sympathy for the idea. I've been happy to use a laptop, but I also don't question the prof's prerogative to ban them. (In seminar classes, which are closest in style to the way I ran my undergrad classes, I don't use the laptop.)

One thing to remember that in most law classes, evaluation of the students is based ONLY on the final grade - not on participation or anything anyone does over the course of the semester. You could not come to class at all, learn everything from study guides, and if you aced the test, that would be your grade (and since everything's graded blind, the prof wouldn't even know that you were the person who never came to class). I think that makes the in-class dynamic kind of different.

Do you get a lot of students using laptops in class? I will say that being in a class of 80 students where 75 are using laptops is really very different from being in a class where 5 people are using laptops.

[joy]

Thanks for the explanation of mind maps. It looks interesting. I generally do not learn very well visually (that is, from graphs and charts and so on, which might be why econ has always been beastly for me). I would be curious to see if this sort of bubble outline would be helpful, though, since the pictures are entirely composed of words, from which I learn very well. Alas, I've not heard of anyone at my school using it or providing students with free access.

[Rev Dr Mom]

I recently got a mind mapping app for my iPad after I saw someone using similar software on his laptop, so it was interesting to see your discussion of how you use it to take notes.

Of course, I'm not a student any more, but I've been thinking about using it to do some conceptual work....we'll see how it goes.

[Daryl]

I am very curious to see how you handle your first 9-6 job.

[New Kid on the Hallway]

Well, what I've liked about such jobs over the summer is that when you're done for the day, you're done, which is a big difference from school and academia. Not that such jobs necessarily rule out working at nights/on weekends, I realize, though I have no desire for a big firm job where such work is endemic (am really hoping for a government gig).

I'm also fine with getting up at 5 occasionally if I want to get in early and work before regular hours. I just can't stand having to get up at 5 just to make it to class on time. I'm much happier staying up late. Even 6 am is fine. (not sure what other elements of the post are at all relevant to my performance in a 9-6 job. The moot court brief was only stressful because I was trying to get myself to write it at home over break! As an actual work assignment for an actual job it would have been fine.)

[loyal reader]

So, do you think you'll enjoy your work and actually want to get up in the morning, when you have a "real" job?

[New Kid on the Hallway]

Well, I know I won't want to get up in the morning when I have real job, because I NEVER want to get up in the morning. Even on the weekend when I'm going out to breakfast and then a movie, I STILL don't want to get up in the morning, so I've given up on that. Work will be *better* than an 8 am class, because getting up at 6 or 6:30 (or even 7!) to get to work on time is HUGELY different from getting up at 5 am to get to class on time, for me. But I am never going to enjoy getting up in the morning - it's just the way I'm wired. (As NLLDH has sort of come to learn, despite being wired completely the other way!)

But all the evidence I have so far suggests that yes, I will enjoy my work in my future job(s). It's just there's a qualitative difference between going to a workplace, doing your job, and then going home; and having a whole bunch of non-structured time in which you have a whole bunch of things to do and trying to do them at home in your non-work space.