The introvert's lament

So, this is really dumb, but the first day of orientation is tomorrow, and I'm already nervous. I think orientation actually stresses me out more than classes starting, because so much of orientation is social - tomorrow we have a two-hour lunch in which to get to know each other, a bunch of other socializing-type breaks, and I signed up to go to a Fun Social Event in the evening (though I am allowing myself to consider ditching it if by that time I'm feeling completely wiped from being around strangers all day). And then there are two more full days of it!

Dr. Crazy posted today about how  she finds the first few weeks of school intense and draining, because after the relative isolation of the summer you're suddenly dropped in the midst of students! and colleagues! people! people! people! again, and I am SO with her on this one. The only people I've spoken with face to face this summer, besides NLLDH, my mom, and my sister, have been various medical professionals, and one charming blogger who came through town with whom I met up recently. And while I enjoyed the meetup immensely, after two hours of lovely conversation I was both wired and drained (I went home and babbled nonstop at NLLDH). I also came home completely convinced that I have the social skills of a baboon and that I had droned on about myself WAY too much (not that the other blogger made me feel this way, this is just my usual reaction after being around unfamiliar people for the first time in a while).

I mean, I feel relatively confident about my ability to handle classes at this point - I know law school classes will be very different from what I've previously encountered, I don't mean that I'm going to coast through with a 4.0, but the academic arena? Not that intimidating to me by now. The social arena? Please. It still baffles me. (I'm not sure how being an academic has affected this. On the one hand, the common refrain is that academics are people who didn't get asked to dance in high school, and some people seem to wonder if academics have any social skills at all. On the other hand, we have to handle meeting and getting along with classes full of complete strangers at least twice a year, which has to count for something.) I guess it's not surprising that when it comes to Myers-Briggs, I score about as Introverted as you can get.*

Anyway. This whole nervousness thing wouldn't be such a big deal, except I feel like I have a zillion things to do today, but I just can't quite concentrate on any of them because I'm fluttering around like a ditz!

*ISTJ, in case you were curious, which is apparently one of the most common personality types among lawyers.

Comments

[squadratomagico]

I completely sympathize. While this might sound surprising, given my circus life, I am heavily introverted as well -- INSJ, if I remember correctly. I can gather the intensely concentrated energy necessary to perform & to lecture, no problem; but if I spend too much time around people, being asked to make small talk, I need serious decompression time alone afterwards.

[introverted prof]

I think this will be good for you. As a lawyer you will need to basically go out and market your skills and services. Sitting around in front of a computer will not get you work, as a lawyer. So get out, network, and schmooze. You'll be surprised at how good you are at it.

[phd me]

Ooo, I hate orientations of any kind for exactly this reason. I'm an introvert, too; activities requiring sociability and small talk with scads of strangers practically give me the hives. I get rather nervous before my first day of classes, too, but having a set agenda in front of the students keeps me focused enough to stay calm. My sympathies are with you!

[jliedl]

Another introvert here who's only saved by the fact of kids and their somewhat more busy lifestyle necessitating socializing at daycamps, stores and friends' houses. It is exhausting to gear up for the term, especially because I find that you have to establish a tone and expectation in the first few weeks (whether as student or professor) as well as deal with all the crazy-making details that come along with the transition to a new routine.

Building in some recharging time to your schedule is a must -- you can't expect to come back from a hugely social outing and expect to be mellow and relaxed. Give yourself time to cool down when at all possible!

[Belle]

Me too! For these reasons (all cited above) I find conferences as exhausting as institutional meet & greets. 'Oh cripes, I have to be nice to all these people???' Most of the time I cope by being that Other Me: the one with some social confidence and skills. My preference is for hermitting with my animals. Dear friends know better than to 'surprise' me with a visit. I also find visiting others (that having to be nice thing again) very uncomfortable. It's all of a piece to me.

[former law school student]

I was convinced that as an older first year law student I would feel intensely uncomfortable, and as a recently-former-professor I would seem like an oddball to my new classmates. Turned out there were a number of thirty/fortysomethings and we naturally gravitated to each other--and most of them had far more exotic and fascinating work histories than I did, and were not particularly struck by the oddity of my decision to attend LS. Within two weeks law school cliques had formed for the year (apparently that's pretty typical) and study groups followed suit. My best advice: remember that the younger students are far more anxiety ridden and self-conscious, and they will be delighted to meet someone they perceive as more grown-up, if only because you're not the social/sexual competition. Some of the classroom behavior and dynamics may seem odd. After teaching humanities students who mostly came to class to participate I wasn't prepared for rampant student web-surfing and face booking during class (especially after the first set of exams, when the eagerness of first term wore off and everyone felt "sorted" by grades), or the general political/cultural apathy of my classmates, far too many of whom (gross overgeneralization coming) took a highly instrumental approach to grades and jobs and lacked intellectual curiosity. The law school culture is very very very different from grad school. Eager participation is often frowned upon, or seen as a digression; questions are often discouraged (by your peers more than by the professors) unless it's directly related to material that will be tested; and the gossip/locker/clique culture is very eighth-grade. Be grateful that you're not attending as a twenty-two year old! You'll have huge advantages. And the relationship with professors can be awkward--some will act like peers and others will take a more formal stance when you mention your background. Good luck!

[What Now?]

I'm actually an extrovert, but I too find introductory meetings/orientations difficult because I'm so bad at meeting new folks. I just found out that I need to go to a "social" next week and spend an hour and a half making conversation with a new international advisee and her parents, and suddenly I'm thrown into a tizzy about what to wear and what on earth we'll talk about.

Good luck tomorrow!

[Amy]

Right there with you. We had our "Welcome Back" day today (translation: get your butt on campus so we can make sure that you're ready to go by next week), and I was dreading going in. I love my colleagues to be sure... but I hate large faculty gatherings that might require me to meet the colleagues I don't already know.

A two-hour orientation lunch reminds me of my first "wine and cheese". I still remember vividly meeting Celandine for the first time and her talking about how much she hated meeting new people. I knew right then and there that she and I would be friends. I think you were there that night too... but we had already met... maybe? It was all so long ago!

Hang in there. What really matters the first year is the ability to leave the world behind and do insane amounts of work anyway. Introversion will be a plus. Be prepared to experience a identity crisis. Go with it. You will come out the other side just fine, Counselor.

That last was from Sfrajett, by the way, not Amy, whoever she is (though I wish her well!).

[dance]

No, you didn't drone on at all. :) It was a lovely conversation---I think we actually hit the balance perfectly right.

[Chaser]

Good luck, New Kid. I hate orientations for the same reasons.

[New Kid on the Hallway]

Thanks, all! It's never as bad as I think it's going to be... I have met a bunch of nice folks, of all ages. I have also tried striking up conversations with a couple of people who had no interest in talking with me at ALL, but eh, that happens. There's definitely a social scene developing among folks who live on/near campus, some of them in the same places, who are of similar age, who are probably going to some of the social things (like karaoke) that I'm not, but I'm just not that interested in that kind of socializing. Everyone keeps saying that law school is a marathon, not a sprint; I'm applying that to the socializing, as well as the academics. ;-)

(Amy, I remember meeting you for the first time at TA training!)