I should post the pic of the world's smallest violin again

So I just found out that Former College has hired my replacement. And for some reason, this is depressing me. It's not like I didn't know they were going to replace me or anything (I mean, duh); there's just something about learning that they've actually done it that dampens the spirits. Maybe it's partly because I can't imagine there weren't comparisons to me in the process, comparisons in which I inevitably came out the loser? I don't mean that to sound self-centered, like my departure was a big shocking deal which tore the department apart and determined how they approached the job this time round - on the contrary, I feel more like my time there was a wee pebble dropped into the pool of their experience, from which the ripples have long since faded away. But they did hire me, and hiring me did seem like a good idea at the time; and we all know how well that worked out. I can't help but feel like at some level they were thinking: We have to make sure we don't run into the problems we had with the last one. I'm sure I'm exaggerating my own importance even thinking that, since obviously hiring is a complicated process and they had plenty of other things to consider in making a decision. But it's a bit disheartening to think of oneself as the departmental cautionary tale.

Comments

[meg]

Oof.

On the other hand, you've been moaning a lot less since you got away from That Place and Those People.

[Bardiac]

/comfort

[hypatia cade]

*hugs*

[Dr. Crazy]

Sending you a hug, and remember that this department is also YOUR cautionary tale - it works both ways. In other words, you just weren't right for each other. And not being right for each other means that you get to live with your husband, that you're not miserable, that you live in a place with snow and normal seasons.... I know the counting one's blessings advice is annoying, but it's what my grandmother always busted out in moments like these, and you know, it does make you feel better after a bit. And by the way? You're AWESOME and only a LOSER would want to replace you :)

[medieval woman]

I agree with Dr. C - they suck!

((NK))

[phd me]

What Crazy said! Even though I completely understand how you feel right now, you're in a much better space without Former College. Feel free to mope a little but don't forget to revel in your awesomeness, too!

[Terminal Degree]

*hugs*

Say to yourself, "It wasn't a good fit...it' wasn't a good fit...I wasn't happy there anyhow...I get to live with my husband...they loved me at Urban Utopia...It wasn't a good fit..."

Lather, rinse, repeat.

[Thoroughly Educated]

I can totally see how the news would be a whack to the ol' emotional equilibrium. But Dr. C. is right: you're in a better place and they're still stuck where they were. You rawk; they don't.

[****]

That really, really sucks, NK. I feel your pain (literally). It will pass, although unless you're a better person than me, you might possibly think evil thoughts hoping they suffer from endless sniffles and unshakable colds until the end of time....

Just think about what really excites you -- what is *fun* to do, and then search out a career that lets you do that. It might take a couple years, but you'll be much happier in the long run. At least, it worked for me.

[Anastasia]

ehhhh I so feel you on this one. but I like dr. crazy's take on it--they are your cautionary tale.

also, they suck.

[life_of_a_fool]

I think this feeling is, if not inevitable, at least very very common. I, for one, have lots of schools that I still hope/plan to show just how wrong they were to not hire me. . .

Which is not to say that everyone else isn't right - they're your cautionary tale, you're better off, etc. And: if they really did think things like "we have to make sure we don't run in to those problems again!" they'll just as likely create new and different problems for themselves. . .

[helenesch]

I'm sorry to hear this, NK. I must be hard news to hear, even though it seems clear that you've got a lot of good things in your life--living with NLLDH and in a city (?) where you seem to be happier with your surroundings.

[Another medieval professor]

NK, that place didn't sound like a great environment. I interviewed with Former College at AHA, and although I think it went fine, I came out of there feeling really unnerved, like I had been really scrutinized and came up lacking; they didn't strike me as collegial people. And all the "benefits" of that college (junior sabbatical, grants, etc. etc) didn't change my perception of the college and its environment. I told my partner later that I wouldn't feel comfortable taking that job.
Happiness is what you make of it, and no matter how fantastic a job sounds to someone else, it may not make you happy. I would completely choose living with my partner in the same city than working at a place where I was constantly trying to prove myself with unfriendly colleagues.

[Another Damned Medievalist]

Yeah, I feel that way a bit when X starts seeing someone new. Doesn't mean it wasn't a good idea to break up.

[Ancarett]

Terminal Degree's right -- it wasn't a good fit and I think you're much better off away from that place.

On a brighter note, you do know that you're cited as an exemplar of an academic blogger in the latest "Academic Matters" publication?
http://www.ocufa.on.ca/AM_Feb08/FEB08.htm

[bandmpalmer@sbcglobal.net]

:(

I think it's a natural reaction.

[What Now?]

Well, they probably were thinking that they wanted someone really different from you. On the other hand, I bet that by this time next year, they'll be thinking, "This new person is fine, but why doesn't he/she do the great thing that NK did about such-and-such?" This happens all the time when search committees have to hire a replacement for someone; they're all very clear about the previous person's faults and how they want those remedied, and they tend (in my experience) to be less clear-eyed about what positive characteristics the last person had that they might want to replicate. So they end up hiring the anti-last-person and discovering that this isn't exactly what they wanted either.

Which isn't to say that I don't feel your pain! I felt the same way when St. Martyr's hired my replacement; it really hurt my feelings that someone else was taking my place in the department, even though I'm the one who decided to leave.

[undine]

What Dr. Crazy and What Now and everyone else has said: the twinge is natural--not that that makes it hurt less.

[Neogrammarian]

Saw this this am, and it was ironic as today was the 1st dept meeting that discussed replacing me. I know our circumstances are different, but it was odd, nonetheless, to know that's what everyone was up to this afternoon. I feel for you- these are complex, difficult issues.

[Susan]

Who said you had to be rational? It still is scuzzy. And it's hard for all of us to realize that we are really replaceable. Everyone has said what needs to be said, but all I could think of was what What Now said: every search I've been involved with tries to hire the things the previous person didn't do.

[withneedle]

Being replaced never feels good, unless it's for something that one absolutely didn't want to do in the first place. I do hope you are feeling better.

[Belle]

What Dr Crazy said. They are your cautionary tale - so now, with the benefit of hindsight, what IS your tale of them? And did any of them make the list mentioned by Ancarett????

You rock. They suck. Period.

[happenstance]

Ah Dear NK ... it's lousy. Being replaced is never easy, irrespective of the circumstances of one's departure. And naturally it does tend to re-open old wounds that perhaps never quite healed and you may tend to play the old movie reel (yet again) in your head. Yes it's self-destructive. But you are allowed to feel enraged, you are allowed to feel angry, and you are allowed to feel sad ... Because it's like losing something all over again. At times like this, your blessings can be hard to see!

But as they say: THIS TOO SHALL PASS ...

In time you'll learn to jettison the *bad thoughts*; tell the black devils where to get off ... and one day, you'll wake up and realize that Spring has sprung, birds are singing and buds are blossoming ... And you too shall go to the BALL!

Meantime drink lots of Pinot Noir preferably with tubs of Ben and Jerry and remember the old saying: LIVING WELL IS THE BEST REVENGE ...

Couragio Signora ... Everything will be alright. In time.

Delurking just to bring you some (virtual) Tea and Sympathy ...

[New Kid on the Hallway]

Thank you, everyone, for being so nice to me! I didn't mean to suck for nice comments, but I really appreciate them. Yes, they definitely are my Cautionary Tale, too, which is valuable to remember. And I had meant to mention this originally, and forgot, but yes, I am *much* happier now, and no, I wouldn't go back there if I had the choice. So it does all work out for the best, even if the process is a little rocky sometimes.

Another medieval professor - I won't say I don't love to hear you say that about FC (aha! it's not just me!), but to do them justice, I think the faculty there are genuinely good people, individually - there's just something about the collective institution that didn't work, for me. And chances are good that having their last hire blow up in their face doesn't encourage warm fuzziness at subsequent interviews!

Ancarett, thanks for the reference! I hadn't seen that. It's always fun to see oneself referenced somewhere. ;-)

Anyway, thank you guys for being such a supportive bunch. It means a LOT to me.

[Nels]

There's nothing about your reaction that is out of place.