New Year's resolutions

Hmmm. I was sure I'd written something about resolutions at some previous New Year, but going back through my archives, I can't find anything. That's probably an apt metaphor for how I feel about resolutions - they're a nice idea, but I never accomplish any of them. Because really, when I make resolutions, they're not actual real resolutions, things I resolve to do. Instead, making resolutions becomes another opportunity for me to measure the distance between my life and the way I'd like it to be, between reality and ideal. I can tell you till the cows come home how I'd like my life to be different, but actually doing any of the things I need to do to make it that way? Not so much.

So, for instance, I know any list of resolutions I make is going to include something along the lines of "exercise more and lose weight." In an ideal world, I would be someone who exercises regularly and I'd weigh less than I do right now. But I've been making this resolution (in a half-hearted way) since I can remember and the act of making the resolution has done nothing actually to bring these things about. Because the truth is, I don't like to exercise, I adore sweets of all kinds, and I can eat a LOT of food before I feel stuffed. Clearly, at the moment I value not-exercising and eating what I like over what I say I want to do in any resolution.

So in the end, I think that at least for me, resolutions are more about making myself feel bad for what I'm not, than about self-improvement. Like I said, I've been vowing to exercise more and lose weight since I can remember - even during times in my life when I have been exercising regularly and have weighed quite a bit less than I do now. Now, I'm not saying that currently, exercising and weighing less wouldn't be good things for me - but if I felt I wasn't doing those things sufficiently when, looking back, I actually was very healthy, I'm not sure that I use resolutions for anything other than beating myself up.

Instead, my goal for the coming year is mindfulness - to be mindful of what I'm doing when I'm doing it, and to ask myself if it's really what I want or need to be doing right then. Because really, if I decide that what I really want is to eat cake for dinner, then I'm going to eat cake for dinner, and I'm good with that. What I want to avoid is realizing at the end of a meal that I've eaten a swack of cake without quite knowing it at the time. I'm thinking that right now, my biggest problem is not doing or failing to do any specific things, but just not thinking about what I'm doing at all.

Comments

[Belle]

I think we all get sucked into that 'making self feel bad' aspect of NYRs. I like the mindful idea, but since I usually am, my own aspirations are more like a To Do list for the new year. And something new for me: a big trip in December to work for, with lots of little steps to make it happen.

And, of course, exercise more and eat less.

[maude lebowski]

i like belle's idea. and "mindfulness" is a wonderful nyr. it's why i read thich nhat hahn like twice a year.

[profgrrrrl]

I bet you remember commenting somewhere about resolutions :)

Mindfulness is a great theme for the year. Have you read Pema Chodron?

[Bardiac]

I really like the mindfulness idea, I think because it's about so much more than food or just not doing X or Y. It's more about thinking about what you're doing and why, and making conscious choices.

Happy New Year to you and yours, New Kid. I hope it's a far better one for you.

[New Kid on the Hallway]

PG, I haven't read Pema Chodron, but I've seen you mention her/him a lot - I will have to look her/him up!

[T.E.]

Mindfulness is a very good mindset for the new year. I like the fact that it's a present-centered attitude rather than a set of stressy goals to chase.

[What Now?]

Geneen Roth has a marvelous small book called When You Eat at the Refrigerator, Pull Up a Chair that is all about mindfulness, particularly around food and body stuff. It's a humorous read that is also really inspirational (for me, anyway) and might be a real help on your mindfulness journey. Great intention for the year!

[Scrivener]

I would have sworn I left a comment here. I know I typed one. Dang, I must have misplaced it or something. If you see it lying around, just toss it, I guess.

Anyway, I like your resolutions and am thinking along similar lines as you are. And I second reading Pema Chodron. She is awesome. IF I were you, I'd start with "When Things Fall Apart."

Happy New Year